Shyness is something often identified as an accompaniment to
anxiety. Outgoing and confident people
who have found a secure place in life seem to use the word a lot in relation to
those who are more reserved. For
example, a more reserved child may hear him or herself described as shy simply
because personal confidence has not yet become established. This can have a diminishing effect and cause
too much self-questioning and therefore an increase in early life anxiety. Personally, I find the word ‘shy’ rather
patronizing and unhelpful and if you’re a parent reading this, it’s something
to watch for around your kids.
When
grown-up Barbara first came to see me, she often used the word shy when
discussing herself. She also often used
another word which seemed to go hand in hand with shy – namely ‘stupid’.
It’s very sad that anyone could find
reason to describe themselves as stupid – another commonly misused word. I think the following story recently told to
me by Barbara is quite wonderful – and demonstrates how greatly her confidence
has grown – and how very far from stupid she is and has always been.
Recently,
along with two other fellow golfers I represented our club in a
tournament. We were not playing at our
home course, it was a team event and out of all the clubs represented there we
happened to win.
There were
about 80-100 people in the room and we were asked to go up to the stage and
accept our trophy. Well, the President
said: “Barbara, would you like to make a
speech?” I was so excited at our success
that I thought, what the heck, yes!
I had the
microphone in my hand and all of a sudden my nerves nearly got the better of
me. I took a while to gain some control – but I did and I ended up saying
something like “I really don't know what to say – I have never been in a team
that’s won before”. Then I think I did manage to thank my team
mates, thank goodness, and then we had our photos taken.
Well I
went home really excited about winning, but by the end of the night I started
thinking what a stupid speech I made, and what a fool I was. All I could think was STUPID ME, putting
myself down again!! I couldn't sleep
that night thinking that I should have let one of the other ladies do the
speech. So I ended up with a restless
night, crying because I was so ‘stupid’ and vowing I would NEVER, NEVER ever
get up to speak publicly again!!
It took me
a week to get over that situation before I went back to our club. To my amazement my two team players told our
club golfers what a wonderful ‘from the heart’ speech I had made!! And I had spent a whole week downing myself
and thinking what a stupid idiot I was, when the others thought I made a great
speech!!
Soon after
that a friend and I went to a birthday party for a young girl who lives next to
me, who happens to have spina bifida and is such an inspiration to all. She had hired a hall and had about 50 people
there. Well! Her friends asked if my friend and I would
get up and say something about the birthday girl.
They gave
us a microphone and somehow, no-one could get the mike off me. Shy, ‘stupid’ me was up there telling stories
and jokes about this wonderful girl that had come into our lives. This – from someone who said NEVER, NEVER
AGAIN would I get up and talk!!! So I’ve
had another reminder to trust myself more, to worry less, to NEVER put myself
down again – and most of all, to relax!
I hope
this isn't too long a story for you to read, but I often think how much you
helped me on the way to a better life.
Love and
thanks,
Barbara.
Thank you
Barbara for the reminder that words can tangle all of us up at times. The words we say or don’t say and words we
hear or don’t hear can give life and love or take those precious gifts
away. I think your story is very valuable
(and good fun!) and will prove to be helpful to many ADAVIC Newsletter readers. Maybe even more importantly, it also shows
just what a beautiful, heartfelt person you are.
Pauline
McKinnon
Pauline McKinnon is the author of In
Stillness Conquer Fear.
She specializes
in therapeutic Stillness Meditation and she and
her associates offer assistance
to anxiety sufferers in all age groups.
The
Pauline McKinnon Life Development Centre:
146-150
Harp Road
KEW VIC
3101
Tel: (03) 9817 2933
http://stillnessmeditation.com.au/