Perfectionism

      Understanding perfectionism    |    Tips    |    Resources   

• Do you have niggling thoughts that something is never quite right until it is “perfect”?
  
• Are you always analyzing situations for potential consequences and bothered by what’s not “right”? 
  
• Are you highly critical if things fall short? 
  
• Do you constantly doubt your decisions and actions, fearing that you’ve made mistakes?    
  
• Do you find it difficult to stay in the present moment, with your thoughts focused on worrying about the future or ruminating about the past?
• Do you obsess over details, sometimes to the extent that you lose sight of the bigger picture?

• Do you find it hard to relax or enjoy things because there is always “something” that needs to be done?
• Do you feel overwhelmed because of the effort it requires to do things perfectly?
  
• Are you often stressed, anxious or depressed because of your high standards?
  
• Do you feel ashamed or worthless when you don’t do well?

• Are you ever paralyzed by perfection where you procrastinate or fall behind because of a need to do something “just right”?
  
• Do you work on something to the extent of avoiding other important things in your life? 
  
• Do you never quite achieve what you feel you should? 
  
• Are you too cautious to try new things in case you don’t do them well? 
  
• Are you indecisive, delaying until you can make the correct choice?

• Free perfectionism test (Frost Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale)

    Tip Sheet for Overcoming Perfectionism 

Wanting to excel at everything is surely a good thing, yet it comes at a significant cost. It might be helpful to be more selective about where and when you apply your high standards.  Have a think about which aspects of your life are these standards most important to you? Will these standards actually lead to a better result, or will it not matter much in the end? How do your friends and colleagues get good results without going to extremes?

Explore:  Realistic goal setting; achievement; procrastination; time management.

Sometimes our concern over not making mistakes is so strong that it prevents us from moving forward or trying new things. Not all mistakes are worth the worry, even if it seems that errors are a barrier to high standards. 

In fact, trial and error are essential for learning and achievement.  You didn’t learn to walk by doing it “perfectly” first time— you had to fall and stumble many times, making many adjustments to do it well. 

Take small risks. Fail often. Give yourself the freedom to err—utilise the early stages to try things; it takes many steps to achieve high standards.


Explore:      Fear of failure; indecisiveness; decision-making; positive risk-taking; trying new things.

We may find it difficult to relax and enjoy ourselves because we never quite achieve the “just right” feelings of perfection we crave.  This leaves us with a feeling of discomfort and we are constantly on the lookout, expecting things will go wrong. Part of being comfortable is learning how to accept that we cannot control the world, or even our reactions to it.  We can however control how we manage our responses, and learn techniques for calming our distress.


Explore:       Relaxation techniques; managing worry; discomfort tolerance; Mindfulness; Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT); Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

We may feel that we need to be perfect so that others will value us.  We want others to love and accept us.  However we don't often love or accept ourselves. We don't feel we are worthy of the attention or love of others.  We may think that "If only I were better then people would like me - If I were better looking, more intelligent, funnier, wealthier, good at sports, good at everything, then this would give people reasons to like me".  It's as though we see only flaws in ourselves - "I am flawed and not very good and therefore people shouldn't love me". 

Everyone feels this way at times. However, being perfect or being the most interesting person in the world won’t "make" others love us—acceptance comes from within. 


Explore:       Self-esteem; self-acceptance; assertiveness; positive psychology.

• Contact ADAVIC for a referral to a professional who specialises in perfectionism.
• Alternatively, have a look at ADAVIC's online Find Therapist database or the Australian Psychological Society's Find a Psychologist database.
  

• Swinburne University Psychology Clinic runs a group therapy program on perfectionism.
• Universities often run student support groups and study sessions on particular issues - perfectionism is a common issue for students - so check with your local university.
  
• ADAVIC runs lectures and workshops for managing perfectionism. Please see our current events.

• Support Groups around Melbourne.
  
• Facebook Support Service.
• Phone Support Service where you can talk with our trained volunteers.

Websites

• Mallinger & DeWyze (1993).  Too Perfect: When being in control gets out of control. New York: Random House Publishing.
  
• Shafran, Egan, & Wade (2010). Overcoming Perfectionism: A self-help guide using cognitive behavioral techniques. London: Robinson.
  
• Anthony & Swinson (2009). When perfect isn't good enough: Strategies for coping with perfectionism. California: New Harbinger Publications.
• Szymanksi (2011). The Perfectionist's handbook: Take risks, invite criticism, and make the most of your mistakes. New Jersey: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

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