A special success story
From the casebook of Pauline McKinnon
It was just pre-Christmas last year when Julie (not her real name) first sought my assistance. Her husband brought her, ill and desperate for help and looking very strained. A couple of months before she had 'collapsed' with symptoms of acute anxiety - so distressed that she was confined to bed for some time. She has recalled her rapid recovery story as follows.'My husband and I had only been married for a couple of years and we were dealing with the normal ups and downs of life. But instead of enjoying this time, I was working hard, staying as busy as I possibly could. I have always been a busy person and at that time, didn't seem to know how to slow down. My achievements at work led to yearly promotion and success was driving me to try to complete more and more tasks in a day. I got to a point where I would do as many hours as my body and mind would allow me, I'd work on my days off and would bring work home on a regular basis. I loved my work but though I really didn't recognise my response, I was becoming stressed and irritable and my husband could hardly even talk to me when I got home at night . I would just snap back at him. This way of life for me had begun over about a five-year period but there was a point when I started to notice dramatic changes. I was no longer able to sleep at night and didn't have an appetite. I had a headache that didn't seem to go away, I felt light headed and dizzy and heart palpitations became common when I was under pressure. Stubbornly, I ignored these warning signs, assuming that I could simply keep going. But, in hindsight, I was running on empty'.
'One morning at work, while rushing around doing about six things at once, I started to shake. My heart was beating hard and loud, I was dizzy and had to catch my breath. I couldn't seem to calm down or stop what I was feeling and I thought I must be having a stroke. I was able to carry on with my work and after a time the feelings went. That night in bed the same thing happened again - but worse. Now I really thought I was dying. My husband was at a loss, and to help me, drove me to my Mum's in the country. All I remember is hanging on to the dash-board of the car the whole way, crying and trying to breathe. My chest was tight and my head was spinning. I felt totally unreal and thought I was losing my mind. Medical assistance provided some reassurance and some medication at the time, but nevertheless this collapse confined me to bed for some weeks and my condition did not improve. I was constantly ill, scared, suffering repeated panic attacks and could not be left alone'.
'During this time a friend who had heard of Pauline McKinnon's work recommended that I see her in Melbourne. Facing the trip was difficult - but I was open to try. I vomited many times while travelling and arrived feeling extremely drained and in a very anxious state. However, on my first visit I learned something new . and I left feeling calm. Desperate to pursue anything to overcome my present condition I made a commitment to attend a series of stillness (a form of therapeutic meditation) sessions with Pauline, travelling to her rooms twice a week, though always accompanied by Mum or my husband. As instructed, I also practised the stillness at home, three or four times a day. In the weeks that followed, often I considered giving up - nothing seemed to be happening quickly enough for me. My anxiety symptoms remained severe and I was unable to leave the house alone, feeling unsafe all the time'.
'Furthermore, my husband and I only spent time together on weekends because I was far too sick to go back to live in the city or to consider going back to work. Despite my distress, I honoured my commitment to stillness, practising at home and attending the sessions in Melbourne'.
'Surprisingly, after about a month, the intensity of my symptoms began to ease. Where previously I was limited to home and had to have someone with me, now I found I could walk to the local shop by myself or drive to the nearest garage. I began to eat properly again and noticed my energy increasing'.
After about two months' treatment Julie was able to attend the sessions unaccompanied, though understandably, she still needed someone to drive her there and back - some two hours out of Melbourne. There were some fluctuations in her progress which is normal, but her resilience was consistently developing. In February, being the gutsy and optimistic young woman that she is, she arranged a counselling appointment with me, to help her sort out some significant personal issues. This led to a fast and effective emotional reconstruction where Julie felt immense relief and powerfully enabled to instigate certain necessary changes.
After a lot of talking with the important people in her life, and many tears for Julie, she came in a week later with the announcement, 'my life is transformed', and the news that she was starting work again the next day!
All progressed well, in her words ? 'fantastically' ? though there were hurdles along the way. We must always remember that the path to lasting recovery is paved with challenges which when satisfactorily met, then lead us on to further positive change. Julie describes it this way:
'I started back at work in the same job and they let me transfer to a town near to Mum's. At first it was really hard. I still couldn't drive by myself to work and I panicked when out of the house. I was so determined to get well . to beat this and be happy and free again so one day I simply decided to drive to work by myself. It was only half an hour's drive but it seemed like an eternity. When I arrived there I pulled up in the car and started crying with joy that I had made it without having a panic attack. From then on I would practise my stillness before I left the house every day until, in time, I was able to drive alone anywhere. My biggest challenge was to be able to go to Melbourne by myself for one of my sessions with Pauline. When I finally accomplished that I felt so wonderful and alive that I sang all the way home for two hours, laughing out loud. How great life now was and how amazing I felt! My spirit was whole again and I had discovered the real me for the first time'!
In total, Julie attended 26 stillness sessions with me, and two private counselling consultations. On the day she first drove by herself to Melbourne alone and unaided, the effect of her huge smile of confidence and triumph was almost palpable!
Julie closes this chapter in her story thus:
'I'm working full time again, we have recently bought a house in the country and we'll both be working up there. I realise now how important it is not to allow myself to become stressed. I practise my stillness meditation twice a day and will never stop this commitment. I had no idea that I was carrying so much tension for so long ? and learning to let go of that has been a major part of my recovery'.
'Then among other benefits, stillness has shown me patience too, and helped me love my life. I don't ever remember before all this feeling so fulfilled and in love with my life and my husband! So I've gained from all the pain. We have decided we will teach our children stillness so they too, can use it in their everyday lives. I am so glad I never gave up when times were tough . stillness is so simple yet so powerful. I now feel safe and strong and look forward to my special time of the day, keeping healthy by just being still'.
Stories like that of Julie's are not rare . but to me each one is very special, a personal reflection of triumph over fear, triumph over adversity and the blossoming of a precious life. Her story has many similarities to my own, the way some of us use nervous tension to cope while continuing to push ourselves too far. Like myself, once Julie began to experience mental rest, her anxiety and tension levels lowered and this brought her the rewards of regained strength and the gradual disappearance of symptoms. She was then able to move forward with ease, face some life changes and build her confidence again. Fortunately for Julie, she had the opportunity and the courage to commence the healing process in the early stages of her illness. Thus her recovery and life transformation took place within a year of her collapse.
Julie herself is to be commended for her trust, her persistence and her sheer determination to win. She was fortunate to have undying support from her husband and her mother but essentially the credit for her success must go to her. I feel certain that for Julie and her family, the approach of Christmas 2002 will be far happier and more peaceful, enriched with a certainty and 'togetherness' that had not existed for her previously. I thank Julie sharing this story for the greater awareness of others and for her confidence in my work.
At this time of year and in these times of world crisis, my heartfelt wish is that Julie's story may inspire those she encounters within her journey - regardless of their situation - to let go of their pressures, stress and tension, to discover ease of mind and to experience, therefore, greater peacefulness within themselves so that eventually, greater ease may come to all humanity.
I wish all ADAVIC members and friends the peaceful message of Christmas . and a joyous and fulfilling New Year.
Summer 2002
Pauline McKinnon
PAULINE MCKINNON LIFE DEVELOPMENT
146 Harp Road, Kew, Vic.
(03) 9817 2933
www.stillnessmeditation.com
