"I didn't leave home for months"
Rachel's story
Rachel Kent has suffered from social phobia since she was a young girl. Today, the 28 year-old from Hawthorn, Victoria, has a job, is returning to university, and is getting married this year.When I was in kindergarten, I never spoke to anyone. I couldn't get the words out because I was so nervous. I remember the staff organising a trip to a farm, and when the bus arrived, I wouldn't get on, so my two-year-old sister took my place.
For 10 years, I had violin lessons and, during that time, never spoke to my music teacher. At school, I was "the quiet one".
I was invited to parties and I'd go, but I was nervous. I usually swam for 30 minutes nonstop before I went, as exercise tired me and I wouldn't be so stressed. I always went to parties with a friend, and then I'd stay with them all evening. But I'd feel like a failure for the entire night because I was tense and quiet.
After leaving school, I went to university. But, as I could only face doing one subject at a time, it took me six years to do my arts degree. I found the academic side easy, but it was hard for me to cope with the socialising that went along with being a uni student.
I became so depressed and exhausted that I took time off to travel throughout Australia for six months. Travelling alone and having to meet people was my way of trying to get over my phobia, but I was terrified the whole time.
After graduating, I enrolled in art school, but I dropped out as I couldn't draw or paint in front of anyone. I was worried about what the other students thought of me and my work.
It was the worst time of my life. I was absolutely broken. So I planned to go travelling in Europe. But soon after I bought my ticket, I cancelled as I knew I couldn't do it.
After this, I didn't want to get out of bed or off the sofa, and I didn't leave home for a few months. I couldn't imagine that I'd ever lead a normal life.
My partner, Stephen, whom I'd met at a friend's party four years earlier, went through that bad patch with me.
I'd had a few boyfriends in the past, but nothing had lasted long because I found it so hard to relax in other people's company. I was always afraid I'd say or do the wrong thing. I hadn't had a relationship for two years prior to meeting Stephen. I had given up dating as it was too stressful for me.
Stephen was different because he was kind and sympathetic, and always listened to me when I was worried. He also urged me to get help.
I went to see a psychologist, Catherine Madigan, who told me that my condition had a name-social phobia - and taught me to rationalise my thoughts and to remember that people weren't judging me.
She told me that before going into a social situation, I should ask myself questions, such as: no-one has ever told me they think I'm an idiot, and why would they? Does it matter if so-and-so doesn't like me?
I still ask myself those questions to rationalise my worries.
Seeking treatment was hard. Initially, I had one-on-one sessions with Catherine. I had to tell her what situations made me nervous and how they made me feel. Later, I joined a group where people helped role-play these situations. As I knew the other people in the room had a phobia like mine, it wasn't so bad. They were supportive.
A year after starting treatment, I'm a different person. I work as a shop assistant, and Stephen and I are planning our wedding. I also hope to return to study next year to finish my degree.
I have been through a couple of years of hell to get where I am, but life is a lot brighter now.
Social Phobia - A Crippling Problem
Social Phobia is one of the most common anxiety disorders in Australia, according to psychologist Catherine Madigan. It affects one in 10 people at some time in their life.
In fact, according to the 1998 Australian National Mental Health Survey, about 600,000 Australians will be diagnosed with social phobia during next year.
Catherine says that the fear of being judged negatively by other people is at the root of this potentially crippling problem.
" People who have a tendency to be worriers or negative thinkers are more likely to develop social phobia, but our environment plays a role, too. People who grow up in a home where they're constantly criticised are prone to the condition," says Catherine.
" They may have a fear of public speaking, of job interviews, dating, exams, or of writing in front of someone else. A lot of people have a phobia about eating in public- they worry their pasta sauce will splash on them and people will think they eat like a pig."
" If you have social phobia, and you only have to face it a few times in you life, it's not so much of a problem. But if you have a fear of public speaking, for example, and you're a sales manager who has to give presentations, then your fear may affect your career."
Catherine says people who don't have social phobia find it hard to understand the physical and mental anguish that sufferers experience. People can become so depressed that they attempt suicide, she says.
"For some people, social phobia is crippling. They can't work and have no friends," she explains. " They can't even go to a shop to buy bread. Every facet of their life is affected."
If you have social phobia, see your GP or a clinical psychologist.
By Sarah Marinos "For Me" Magazine March 2001
Re-printed with permission
