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The Holiday I Actually Enjoyed - Canada/USA 2005
This page created September 2005
By Jacqui (Jacqui is a member of the Kew Anxiety Support Group)
In May/June this year I went on a 5-week overseas holiday with my partner and we travelled part of the trip with another couple. I was so surprised that I enjoyed the holiday as I usually come back in need of recovery time due to stress and lack of sleep. It got me thinking as to what happened this time that made this holiday more enjoyable. I came up with a few things that I’d done differently which had really made a difference.
WHERE TO GO – ITINERARY PLANNING
For me choosing a destination and planning an itinerary meant trying to work out why previous holidays had not worked and trying a new approach. A mistake I had made previously was that of choosing to visit a hot climate eg. Bali where I was too hot to do anything and could not sleep because of the heat or the sound of the cheap airconditioners. So for me a cool environment was the best – therefore Canada/USA in the Spring was looking good.
THE TYPE OF HOLIDAY
As most anxiety sufferers will probably agree a high powered/ no relaxation time holiday is usually not much fun and I find I usually need more time by myself than non-anxiety sufferers. The itinerary we worked out between the four of us was: a 9 day backpacker trip through the Canadian Rockies, a 7 day cruise to Alaska (with lots of time to ‘unwind’ as each couple had their own cabin). The second half of the trip the other couple did their own thing and we hired a car for a bit, met a friend of mine in NYC and discovered San Fransisco. This second half was unstructured which was essential for me as when we got to Quebec I was exhausted and Peter just went off by himself to museums etc and I stayed in bed and by afternoon checked out the cafes.
The variety of modes of travelling we did was great because even though I suffer from anxiety and depression I actually don’t enjoy “beach” holidays (mainly because I just brood on bad stuff floating around in my head, plus freckles and pale skin). And I love meeting new people – everyone has a story to tell about their life and I find that fascinating. Group travel makes things much easier for me as an anxiety sufferer as a lot of the time is in a bus and if I was not feeling in the best of moods I could stare out the window at the Rockies (or sleep) and no one would bother me or if I was feeling adventurous I could talk to the person next to me.
PERSONAL PLANNING (MEDICATION, ANXIETY DIARY ETC)
For me because I have anxiety as well as a type of bipolar disorder, medication has unfortunately had to be a part of my life for a number of years. I would really be unable to function without it and have accepted that. Usually it is not a big problem but when going overseas with medication it is an extra level of preparation ie (getting doctors letters and taking extra medication in case some gets lost with your luggage). I must admit I do find that this can be a cause of anxiety but I try to do the best I can and know I can ring my doctor and things will be sorted out if required (and take a big deep breath).
While some people just keep travel diaries I made mine travel plus feelings/mood etc to try and capture everything and pick up if I was going along ok. It was a good idea because at the start of the trip when none of us had had much sleep we were on edge and I wrote some not very nice things about someone on the bus and I think that was a lot better than saying them. Peter, my partner, often tells me I overreact to situations and I think that is the anxiety building up and a sign of being more sensitive than others, so I wrote it down– warts and all – in my diary (probably should burn it now).
WHAT I GAINED FROM THE HOLIDAY
Confidence - Who would have believed it. Least of all Peter. I think being out of my element actually did me some good. I found myself giving correct navigational directions around Quebec whilst Peter was driving on the other side of the road (with road signs in French). For someone who doesn’t know left from right, east from west and has a history of getting lost navigation is definitely not my greatest skill. With a sense of determination and encouragement from Peter I surprised myself and Peter that we were getting off freeways at the right exits and arriving at the right places without incident.
Another time of great confidence occurred when we went up in the helicopter to see the glaciers. We had walked on the Colombian Glacier on a Backpackers’ tour and I had developed a love of these geological oddities. They are just so impressive that when we were on the Alaskan cruise we decided to go on a helicopter ride onto one of the big glaciers. This is where I learnt something about anxiety. I was so excited about the glacier that the helicopter was just a means to get there and the fear had taken second place to my interest in seeing the glacier.
Fear of Flying – Gone ? - I had a bad experience when I was travelling alone on a plane in 1992 after a big world trip and we had BAD turbulence over Asia and I felt very alone and I ended up at a different city and I found it very distressing. Since then I have had a phobia of turbulence – every air pocket and I let out a gasp. So this trip was a bit of a test as there were 10 flights in 5 weeks. The first flight I was in the emergency brace position when we had turbulence and when Peter got excited and asked me to look out the window I nearly died – I couldn’t possibly look out the window!. As we did more and more flights I picked up little tricks like having lots of reading matter around to be engrossed in if any turbulence occurred or repeating to myself ‘I can cope’. By the end of the ten flights the experience ‘ Asia Flight 1992’ was definitely out of my system. Now air pocket and turbulence are just part of the flying experience and not a cause for any undue anxiety although I’ll always happily give up the window seat to anyone who wants it.
COMING HOME
Usually I am so glad to come home. A good nights sleep. Even glad to get back to work – same routine. See my family again, the dog, the garden. This time I was a bit down I wanted to go back. I didn’t want to go back to work. I desperately want to go away again. I can understand those people who live to travel. Oh well – welcome to reality – welcome to Melbourne Winter, it was 11C and dreary yesterday. Now my goal is to try and maintain this “new me” and continue to stretch those boundaries and build confidence. Not so easy I don’t imagine but at least I am among people who understand.
P.S. Thank you to my partner Peter whose cool/calm personality makes him a great travelling partner.
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