Bullying - how to deal with it

What is bullying?
Bullying has been defined as the intentional, unprovoked abuse of power by one or more children to inflict pain or cause distress to another child on repeated occasions. One large cross-sectional study of nearly 4,000 students from years 6, 8 and 10 carried out in Australia, found that 13% of students had been bullied, 24 % of students bullied other students, and, 22% were both bullied and bullied other students, in their most recent term at school. More boys than girls were involved in bullying behaviour at a risk ratio of about 2:1 (Forero & McLellan, 1999). About one in six Australian children are bullied weekly or more (Rigby, 1997).     
Types of bullying
Bullying can be physical, such as hitting, kicking, tripping, taking or damaging a target's property or it can be verbal, such as using cruel or hurtful words to humiliate or shame another person. Bullying can also be relational, where bullies pressure peers to ostracise and reject a target, isolating the target from their social network.
Does bullying harm a person?
There is more and more evidence from research, especially from studies conducted over many years (Olweus, 1992; Kochenderfer & Ladd, 1996; Egan & Perry, 1998) that bullying can lead to long-term damage in the target. The effects might include severe anxiety, panic attacks, sleep disturbances, headaches, bed wetting, excessive substance use (like alcohol, cigarettes or drugs), lowered resistance to infection, difficulties with concentration, eating disorders, depression, maladjustment, post-traumatic stress symptoms, loss of confidence, despair and even suicide.  
 
Many of the consequences of being bullied are very serious so it is important that you take steps to stop the bullying behaviour as soon as possible.
What you can do about it
First, you can find a sympathetic adult to talk to about the problem. This person could be a teacher that you like, your mum or dad, a school psychologist, counsellor or social worker, a youth officer, or a police liaison officer. This person can help you to find solutions to the problem, and has probably dealt with similar problems before. After talking with this person, depending on the severity, you might decide to report the bullying or you might decide to deal with it yourself after talking about various solutions.  
 
Secondly, it is worth noting that bullies are often people who have been bullied themselves, often by a parent, sibling or acquaintance. Because of this, bullies are often very frightened people who are just acting tough. These frightened individuals are in most cases simply using cowardly and inadequate strategies to boost their own damaged self-esteem. Essentially, bullies pick on other people in order to try and elevate themselves in comparison to the person they are putting down. While this does not excuse their behaviour in any way, it enables you to see their vulnerability.  
 
Although most bullying situations are complex, and there is no one successful strategy, most bullies will soon give up trying to use their self-elevating strategy if you do not provide reinforcement for their inadequate behaviour. If you fight back physically or engage in verbal slanging matches this will generally reinforce their strategy, as they will usually have chosen something they think they are better at than you. In many cases you are likely to be more successful in stopping the bully's behaviour by ignoring it and acting rather 'bored' and disinterested in their 'inadequate attempts to try and look good'.  
 
Thirdly, it is also worth noting that bullies often target people they perceive as being less powerful than themselves. So consider empowering yourself. One of the best ways of empowering yourself is to look for other students who may be similar to yourself. Choose a club to join at school, say a computer club, or a debating club, or a music club, if you enjoy those activities. If there are no clubs at your school then start one. Try to make strong links with the other students in the club as quickly as possible. You might also look for other students who have been bullied themselves and ask them to join you in forming a cohesive social group. Forming a peer network like this is one of the best ways to stop bullying. The bully is simply too scared to take on a strong outfit of opposition, because the bully is basically a fearful and inadequate person. So, do not wait for things to happen to you, be pro-active and set up your own cohesive group to help make sure the bullying stops.  
 
You might also consider empowering yourself in other ways. If you are physically underdeveloped for your age, consider taking up kick-boxing classes. Of course, you would not ever aim to use these techniques on the bullies, but to know them makes you feel powerful and confident. Start to get better at a variety of sports, even if you are small. There is a myth that some people are just naturally great at sport and others are hopeless. This is rubbish. People who are good at sport have been trained to be good at it. Excelling at sport is above all about practice and more practice, refining your techniques. If you keep at it, you will become good at it. Since sport is one of the activities which tends to be highly valued at secondary school, to get good at it will elevate your status considerably. If this is one of your weak areas then start working to empower yourself.  
 
Fifthly, make an appointment to talk to a teacher or your principal about whether there are guidelines or policies in place to deal with bullying in your school. Bullying is recognised as a significant problem throughout the world now, and many schools in the USA, UK and Australia have clear anti-bullying objectives and guidelines about it. If your school does not have such a policy, suggest that a committee of parents, teachers and students be formed to work out a coherent approach to the problem of bullying. As another way of empowering yourself, you could volunteer to be a student representative on this committee, which would assist you in developing social, strategic, political and communication skills. Basically, the more skills you have, the more empowered and self-confident you will become. Developing skills helps prevent bullies from targeting you.  
 
Sixthly, stay informed and talk about the issue of bullying with other people and groups. Visit websites such as www.antibullying.net or www.bullybeware.com. Alternatively, ask your librarian at school to order in some books about school bullying. Some that you might start with are 101 Ways to Deal with Bullying, by Michael Elliot, Hodder & Stoughton, 1997 or 'No Bullying' Starts Today, by George Robinson et al, Lucky Duck, 1995. You can also call the Kids Help line on 1800 551 800 free from anywhere in Australia, who often receive calls on bullying and will be able to offer you more assistance.  
 

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This information was provided by Sallee McLaren, Psychologist who can be contacted on 9416-1621.